My Best Friend

Just Got Home 4rm Work && iiM So tired. Right Now iiM Kinda GoN Thru Sumthing Over my best Friend. iiLove Him So Much && iiKno Dat We Will Never Be ToGether Buh iiCant Help Buh Think Im The Back Of My Mind That He Belongs With Me. It Has 2 Do With Time Though BeCause Over The While We've Been Close So Many Things Have Happened. iiF Only He Knew Exactly How iiFelt... When iiAm With Him, iiKnow No One But Him... Our FriendShip Came Out Of No Where... iiDidnt Really Expect 2 Get This Close 2 Him. But iiM Glad That He Is My Best Friend, iiCan Tell Him EveryThing && iiFeel So Comfortable With Him. Just TalkN 2 Him Makes Me Happy... iiRememBer Wen No One Cud Keep Us Apart && We Were Always 2Gether. Sumtimes iiWish That iiCud Be With Him, Buh Do I Really Want 2 Deal With The Extra... iiHave To Deal With So much As The Best Friend Already BeCause iiHave 2 Hide My True FeelNz. && Though No Other FeMale Will Have What We Have It Still Irks Me As 2 Why He Would Want Another FeMale In An Intimate Way BeSides Me. But Like iiSaid Itz All With Time... Because If We Were In Last Year && SomeThing HappenD iiWudn't Care BeCause Than He Was ONLY My Best Friend, But He Has BeCome My Lover So It Tears Me Up Inside Jus The Thought Of Him BeN With Another Woman The Way He Has Been With Me.

PSMn??

Everything Was So Fine 2Day.. So Why Do iiFeel So Down... iiHate Wen iiGet Like This... iiWish iiCud Just Be Happy All The Time. iiJus Want To Be Alone Write Now With Some Paper, A Pen && My Music... && Some Bud*Lol*. Away From Stress Or Even Causing It. Jus To Clear My Mind.. Get My Thoughts Together. iiCant Function When Its So Much GoN On. No ConFusion... No Lying.. No Decieving... Jus Peace && Happiness. iiCried A Little While b4 iiStarted WriteN This.. Nothing Bad HappenD iiJust StartD To Cry. iiCouldnt Hold It Back. it Iz Very Seldom That iiCry Buh Wen iiDo Its Out Of No Where. iiUseD To Cry In The Shower So No One Would Hear Me. Than iiWud Go To Sleep After iiWrote. WriteN Helps Me Deal In So Many Ways. With Love.. Life.. My Fam.. Myself.. EveryThing. iiM Jus So Happy That iiHave Some Ppl To Talk 2 && Its Weird BeCuz iiVe Met Them On The Internet. Things Will Get Better iiKno.. But Than Another Moment Iz GoN 2 Come Where iiFeel The Way iiDo Now. iiJus Hope iiDont Feel This Way 2 Much Longer.

Him...

For The Past Few Months This Guy && iiHave BeCome iiGuess U Can Say Serious. iiM Not One For RushN InTo Things Buh iT Seems Dat I CouldnT preVent It From Eventually Happening. My Thing Iz That Our Time 2Gether Iz Our Time ToGether && Our Time Apart Iz Our Time Apart. iiiDo Tend To Fall Hard When iiDo Fall Buh iiFail To Realize Why A Person Would Imply That They Want SomeThing When They Really Arent Ready. Or MayBe It's Just Me. iiWant To Keep The Person Around But not "Scare" him Off Which iiWont Do So He Says.. But if SumThing Isnt Going My Way Than iiM Not Going To Stick With It. iiKno Itz Bad But iiCant Help It. WaitN Iz Good But What If All The WaitN Turns Out To Be Nothing. So Ill Just Be Patient && Wait For Him To Come Around. But Isnt That Depriving Myself Because Maybe Someone Will Come Along sooner Who Iz "Better" For Me. But Than There Iz That Chance Of Wondering "What If" When Years Lata I Am Not With Him But He Crosses My Mind... && iiMay Not Come Across Someone Who is "Perfect" In EVERY Way Like He Is To Me....

Umm..

Itz Been A Min Since Ive Writen On This But Ima Get Back On It... Ive Just Been GetN MySelf 2Gether && WorkN. So Whats New With Me.. Well, Nothing Much.. Same Shit Different Day. Ive Decided What I'm Going Back To School 4rm... i Want 2 Be A Teacher. iiWent To My Brothers School For A Wokshop, He Iz In 4th Grade && I Felt As If I Belinged There. Its Weird Because i Got So Happy Being There. There Iz Nothing Else Thats New... Same Ol ShaNii .... =)

Happy Turkey Day!!!

It Iz Now ThanksGiveN & There Iz So Much 4 Me To be thankful for... Last Night I Was FeelN Like Crap So Went 2 Bed Early... Buh iiHad A Pretty Good Sleep Though Mi Back Iz KillN Me. iiGot So Many text & Shit while I Was Sleep. This Guy (Man) Dat iiMet On The Train TextD Me So Many Times. He Iz So Sweet. Itz Weird How iiAttract All These Guyz && They Be So NerVous While TalkN 2 Me. Lol.. He Iz InterestN Though && He Iz Older... Older (Lmao) Buh iiM LookN 4Ward To HangN Out With Him. Now Thsi Next Nigga CallD Me 2 SumThing In The MornN && He Lucky I Was Sleep Cuz iiTold Him Not 2 Call Me AnyMore... smh @ How iiMake Dudes Think They Crazy. He Made Me SoOoOo FuQcN Mad YesturDay.. Buh AnyWay.. iiM So LookN 4Ward To ToDay && Just SpendN Time With The People iiLove Most...

Em...

ChillN With Mii Fam && iiM HaveN A Good Tim. iiLove Them So Much, Them Crazy MuFuQcZ Are EveryThing. StartN To Cook Dinner 4 Tomorrow. iiCant Wait. iiTold John Dat He Should Stop By Tomorrow.. He Hasnt Met Mii Mom Yet Or AnyOne In My Family. But It Iz Important To Me That He Does.... iiOnlt Bought 1 Boi Home 2 Mii Mom. && iiWas So iN Love With Dat Dude OMGah. iiM Happy We Didnt End On Bad Termz. He Came 2 See Me Last Summer After Like A Whole Year. iiWas Happy 2 See Him && iiHope iiSee Him Again Soon. iiHad The Best RelationShip With Him && iiSay Dat BeCause It Was Actually Known That He Was My BoyFriend. Damn iiM HunGry. iiM Always FuQcN Hungry.

Ummm..

2Day Was An Ok Day But iiM Still Sick =( iiM Like Extra Horny Rite Now && Wanna Make SumOne A Lucky Guy.. + Some Good Ass Head. smh Buh iiM Not Gunna Do It. iiCant Wait Until Tomorrow =) TurKey Day!!!!! Yay && Yummy!! 2Day Wen iiWas ComeN Home Taylon && iiWere TalkN On The Bus && Itz So Weird The Kinda Vibes Yew Have With Ppl. Like TayLon && My Conversation Wud Be So Damn ConFuseN 2 SumOne Else && BugD Out But Itz Normal For Us... Lol... Dat Guy Has Been Wantin Me 4 The Longest. AnyWay... iiM Hungry

1:30 am *Random Thoughtz*

&& iiAm On Da Phone (CakeN??) Lol.. YesturDay Was A Good Day At Work.. Real Pleasant. Tomorrow iiWork && Den ThanksGiving!!!!! Yay!!!! An ExCuse 4 Me To Eat As Much As iiDo =) && Not Feel Bad. iiM So Happy Dat iiM Off On FriDay.. Datz When iiM GetN Mii Tattoo. Dat Cover Up Iz NeedD Bad.. Lol && Never Again Will I Get A Name On Mii Body Besides Mi Child Even Though iiDoubt iiM HaveN Any =/. iiNeed 2 Clean Mii Room.. For ThanksGivin We Are HaveN A Get 2Gether.. smh.. Niggaz Gunna Come && Eat Up All Da Damn Food. iiWonder Wuh iiMa Wear Tomorrow... Hmmm...

1:14 am

iiDidnt Even Realize What Time It Was && iiM Wide Awake... iiMa Bout 2 Go Watch "The Golden Girls" On Da LifeTime Channel While iiClean Mi Room. O Yea && Cake On Da Phone (Lol). iiCant BeLieve Itz This Late.. it Feel Like Itz 11 Or Sum Shit. iiM On The Phone Wit This Guy && He Iz Mad Koo... Buh Yew Kno Those "Relationships" Where Yew Dont Kno Y U Get A Long U Just Do?? Lol... Datz Wuh We Have. SumTimes iiWonder Y iiTalk 2 Da Ppl iiTalk 2... What iiReally Wonder Iz Why They Talk 2 Me {LmAo} AnyOne Who Can Deal With Me Should Get A Damn Prize Or ReWard. iiMa HandFul Buh iiM Pretty Sure Datz Wuh ErrOne Loves Most About Me....

Hmmm...

So I Jus Got Home 4rm Work Not 2 Long Ago && iiAm Worn Out... Like iiSaid This MornN That My Day Was GoN To Be Long But Pleasant Whiich It Was =). Che TextD Me && AskD Me 2 Come See Him 2Night, iiDunno wtf Iz Wrong With Me Buh By Not GoN Iz A Good Way Of ShowN I Care (SMH @ Me) He'll Live Though. Itz Weird Cuz In The BeGinN Wen He Said Come No Matter What Time It Was iiWould Go To Him && iiCallD/ Hit Him Up EveryDay. iiGuess iiGrew On Him Buh Still SumThing Jus Wasnt Rite =/. Along Wit Him Comes A BIG Package && Tho iiWont Have To Deal With It MySelf... While BeN With Him iiM Still In The Situation. Ugh!! wtf.... There Always Gotta Be That 1 Thing Dat MessS Up A Whole Situation. Buh iiAlso Realized SumThing About MySelf && Dat Iz If SumThing Doesn't Go Mii Way Than I Don't Want To Deal With It At All. i'd Rather Jus Leave It Where It Iz BeCause If Thingz Aren't GoN My Way, Mii All Isn't GoN InTo It. If Thingz Are Meant 2 Happen They Will Happen AnYyWay.. iiBeen Proved That Iz True. iiFind It Nice That Che MissS Me Though.. iiAm A Lil ShockD Buh iiApreciate It. Time Will Tell Whatz Meant Or Not.

9:49am

Jus Woke Up Not 2 Long Ago && iiM GetN Sick =/.. iiReally Dont Wanna Go 2 Work Buh w/e. Itz Crazy How iiWake Up To So Many Texts Messages && VoiceMails From All These Different Guyz =/ Lol @ The Effect Dat iiHave On Dudes. It Seems As if Itz GoN 2 Be A Long But Pleasant Day. Hopefully it is BeCause iiDont Deal 2 Well With Stress Or AnGer. As Soon As iiSignD On Aol, Che Hit Me Up. iiFeel Kinda Dumb BeCuz The Way I Went About Thingz Buh Itz Not Like I Completely Stop TalkN 2 Him... iiMean Itz Not Like B4 Buh At Least iiRespond To Him... Right?? People Shouldn't Get To Comfty With Me BeCuase If iiM Not GetN What I Want From Them When iiWant It, iiM Not Going To ReMain The Same Way GiveN My All To Get Nothin Or Should iiHave Just Beeb Patient... See, iiM Really InLove With Me To Much && That Will Really Stop Me From FindN Happiness. iSo Believe Dat Now. && Che Iz The PerFect Example. Im Selfish Wen It Come 2 Me But Who Can Blame Me?? No One, But I Blame Me.. iiCant Go On Livin Like This 4ever. iiKno Im Only 20 But EveryOne Wantz To Have That ONE Special Person && Not A Whole Bunch Of Randon People. Since Che iiHavent Been Or Even Talked 2 AnyOne Else in That Way. && My Reasonz For My Being Are Stupid =/ No Lie.. iiReally Miss Him.

Him...

This Guy Made Me Feel So Many Different Things At One Time, It Was Crazy. Never Did I Think I Cud Feel That Way Over A Guy That Ive Never Seen... Yes In Pictures But iiNever TouchD Him, He Never Touched Me && Yet So Many Miles Apart... iiHavent Been So Close To A Person. We Have Come A Long Way && iiKnow What We Had Was Real.. Real Thingz Die EvenTually && Thatz What Happened With Us. Why Iz It So Easy 2 BeCome CLOSE With A STANGER && Not SomeOne Yew Know... But iiDo Kno Him... Now && I Kno We Cant Go Back. iiWouldnt Even Want To. How Cud Yew Feel Love... AnGer... Hate... SadNess && All These Different Thingz @ One Time Wen We Have Not Made Love... Have Not KissD.. EmBraced.. LookD In Each Others Eyez?? But Wen iiCried He Was There 2 Listen && BeN Da Bitch at iiAm He AcceptD Me && Made It A Mission 2 Get Me... && Wen He Got Me, He Thought iiWud Be There 4Ever. But He Was Wrong. So Wrong BeCause As Soon As He Tried To Toy With My Emotion, iiWas Done. && Wen He Realized It, It Was 2 Late... The Thing Iz iiDunno If iiLoveD Him Or LoveD Only What We Had... iiWas His Dream Dat He ShatterD && Now "We" Are Only A Memory... A Memory Dat iiCudnt Go Back 2

InSane Vain Beauty...

... Not 2 Sound Full Of MySelf (Which iAm) Buh Those Are My Main Qualities Put Together. Iz There SumThing Wrong With BeN Crazy && Not Give A FuQc Bout Da World?? Not 2 Me But Otherz Look At Me As If iiAm An OutKast While At Da Same ime BeN All Up Mii Ass Like A Thong. iiM Jus SayN, iiM Sorta A MaJor Deal Buh Iz It Wrong 2 Feel Dat Way?? Especially Wen Otherz Prove That To Be True. Vain?? Very Much So Buh iiDont Try 2 Be. Beauty Iz In The Eye Of The BeHoldR Which Iz So Tru... iiFind MySelf AmuseD @ Me SumTimes && What iiAm Capable Of DoN. InSane BeCause iiDont Care.. Vain BeCause (Ha) Look @ Me && Mi Beauty Iz Deep WithIn Az Well As Out.

Bronson Fever??

Ummm... So There Iz This Guy (Which There R Many) But This One Guy Iz "SpeCial".... Wen iiSee Him iiGet This BugD FeelN InSide Like I Jus Want Him Rite Den && There. His Name... I'd Rather Not Say... Well, Not Yet. iiWanna Get Inside His Head && iiDont Mean Read About It, iiWant Him 2 Tell Me. He Doesn't Even Kno iiHave Any FeelN ToWard Him. Ive Known Him For Some Monthz Now && We'Ve Chilled A Couple Times && Those Time iiWas Near Him iiFelt Weak. He Iz Jus So Kewl (Yesh iiSound Like A Dweeb Cuz iiAm) && A Fun PerSon 2 Hang Out With. Yew Kno Like Wen Yew AdMire SomeOne So Much && Yew Kno U Wont Ever Be ToGether But As Long As Yew Have A "FriendShip" With The Person It Doesnt Matter?? Yea.. Datz How iiFeel About Him. Lol.. iiOnly Wanna Be A "Friend"...